IT'S NOT FAIR!!!

Mood: I feel so pist off!!!
Currently listening to: This Is Me - Demi Lovato

A little thing that anyone should know about me is that I hate secrets especially when they are kept away from me. People with secrets are, in my opinion, insecure. If anyone would know about there secret, they fear that people might not treat them right. But one thing they don't know is that they are supported at all times by those people who care about them.

You see, the thing is, what really hurts is when your friend whom you know more than anyone in a group of new faces, has an experience or story that she is not telling you but is telling to othrs whom she has known for months only. You ask her, "what is it all about" and all she says is "you'll kick my ass if you knew" whatever that is. Because of this, instead both of you are bonded together as friends, you get more and more separated from her since you don't know what's happening in her life and about her. How the heck will you know her better if she doesn't update you when you ask for an update? The part which makes you wish you weren't her frind is when you figure that she is telling her update to another person other you, who asked first.

Everytime the two of you walk together to go to another venue where the class will be held, a classmate approaches and asks if she can borrow your friend for a moment and talk to her about secrets you shouldn't hear that's why they have to be away from you. This leaves you to yourself alone in the corridor going to where the class is suppose to go. If you see a person who you can walk with, other than your friend who is "borrowed away from you", you yourself will find a reason for walking with her so she doesn't feel being used by you since you have no one to walk with.

Another reason why you wish you weren't her friend is because during free period when the teacher is late, you find yourself sitting with her but not talking to her which is the main reason why you seated beside her in the first place. Then you feel like moving a seat away from her because you don't want to see her and the person, who she is talking to, whisper or mouthing what they have to say to each other since it is a secret. Everytime a person talks to her, you have to back off a little so you won't hear what they are talking about. You just look away when they laugh about something you don't even know about.

Then she tells one secret. She also tells you not to tell anyone. You know that she'll get mad when you tell anyone so you keep it a secret. Then you find yourself in a situation where she accidentally blurts it out and tells to the people who heard to not to tell anyone about it. Then one of the people who heard it spreads it out and she doesn't even get mad at that person. Then you think about that situation where you think that what if you were the one who told the secret. You'll think and guess that she won't talk to you for a day and that she won't tell you any more secrets.

And to think that she is suppose to do all of these things with you and that she should be considering you more since both of you had a foundation to your friendship and all that's left is to build it up more so it won't break down into pieces. You don't want your hardwork into building your friendship be put into waste just like that. She doesn't mean to do these things with others instead of you. But the process you are going through and the thoughts that go into your head are holes that can bring down such friendship.

She is friends of course with those she shares secrets with. They very fortunate to know a lot about my friend more than I know her. That's why, because of this realization in life, I have decided to tell my bestfriend about the website of this blog. My bestfriend can judge me in any way she wants. She is my best friend after all. She understands me that's why I have a lot of fun when I'm with her. There is never a boring moment with her. True, there are times when the two of us are out of things to say to each other but being with her makes me happy already. I hpe she feels and thinks the same way. If not, it's fine me too! We don't have secrets from each other. That's why I felt unfair to her because she tells and allows me to visit and read about whatever she writes in her blog and I don't want her to know whatever I post in my blog and won't even tell her mine when I changed the web address.

On Monday, I am ready to tell her my web address and let her read everything in this blog. I'll just tell her not to tell anyone. It will be our own little secret, just the two of us. This a simple kind of revenge that I can think of. It's a bad revenge but it's the one thing I got that my other friend doesn't know about.

What sucks and rocks is that next school year, we will surely make another term paper about a different novel. In our school, we do the term paper as a pair. My partner is my friend who seems to be the topic of this post. Next school year, she surely won't be my partner because she already made arrangements with another classmate. Now, I am forced to pair myself with a classmate who I have been sitting beside ever since my first year in High School. She is the only one I got who is serious yet fun to be with too. It sucks because my friend who the topic is the best in the class and that's something that everyone in the class has to admit. If don't work with her, then I guess my term paper next school year won't be as good as what the two of us are doing now. What rocks is that she doesn't have to boss me around next school year in doing the term paper since she won't be my partner anymore.

It's not fair because I should be knowing her better and getting close to her since I am her friend for three or four years.

Now you know how I am and what I go through during class hours. I only get to hang out with my bestfriend and leave my friend during recess and lunch time.

Writing all fo these things that are trapped and now set free in my head makes me feel a lot better. I feel the best if my best friend would read this post.

So chow for now!

I'll sign in to Yahoo! Messenger to give her an instant message containing the web address of this blog of mine. Some of these are things I already told her.

What Happened Today

Mood: sleepy
Currently listening to: On The Line - Demi Lovato ft. Jonas Brothers

Guess What? I already have the songs from Demi Lovato’s album Don’t Forget. I got the songs from the CD of my brother’s friend.

Anyway, my first two sentences are the reasons why I am posting now here in my blog.

When I got home from school, I watched television and ate my merienda. After that, I still watched TV until 6pm. Then I turned on the computer. My main reason was to post first here in my blog because everything that happened awhile at school. But what I did was to play the songs from Demi’s album. At first, I was disappointed because I could not play the songs here in my user because I just copied the songs from the CD itself but I already played the songs in the other user because that’s the user that was logged on when my brother and I tried to hear what’s in Demi’s album. In short, yesterday, I already heard these songs. I just wanted to here them again when I got home. I finally figured how to play it. I just had to drag the songs from the previous user to the folder then Add the folder to the Library in iTunes. When I finally played it successfully in my user, I edited my playlist, added the all the songs from the album, and synced them all in my iPod. Currently, my iPod shuffle contains 150 songs. So far, my favorite songs from her album are: La La Land, Get Back, Train Wreck, Party, On The Line, The Middle, Gonna Get Caught, Two Worlds Collide, and Don’t Forget. All in all there are 11 songs in her album. Before I started writing this post, I first searched for their lyrics in the net since I only got the songs not the Album itself that has their lyrics included when you buy the original CD.

About what happened this morning, it was totally fun! Here’s the schedule of what happened then:

• Homeroom Period – our seating arrangement was once again changed. I now sit at by window, on the last line. My new seatmate of the school year was my seatmate when I was in the first and second year high. I was glad to be her seatmate after a long time because for the previous year when she was my seatmate, I had high grades. She is an awesome seatmate! That’s why I always comment her on that when we have to give whatever letters to our classmates such as recoletters and etc.
  
• Chemistry Period – we almost did noting except complete our requirements. I have completed mine so there was nothing to do then during the period.
  
• Soc. Sci. Period – we already discussed the introduction to our first lesson this fourth quarter. We had an assignment before and I was able to pass my notebook with my answers inside it of course. Then a few minutes before the bell rings, our teacher gave his period for us to prepare for our play in Merchant of Venice after recess.
  
• English period (three periods coverage) – the first period was a little bit cool since I was in the part of the last act and scene of the play. I memorized my lines last night so there was no worries for me. The second period was still cool because our group thought that we would never make because our teacher said that she only borrowed one period from one subject only. Turned out that she borrowed five to ten minutes of the third period before lunch and as time goes by, she borrowed the whole period. In short, our section was able to finish the play this day after recess until before lunch. After the play, we had picture taking per Act number. Then after that we had some wacky pictures of whoever was left in the room where we performed. While we took some pictures of ourselves, the background music was playing Lovebug first, then Burnin’ Up. Then we all went down stairs to our classroom, changed our clothes, and took our lunch. For me it was the best play production experience in my life. It was the best performance I ever did in terms of speakingin front of the class and memorizing my lines. Like I said before, I would do better if the script was in English but if it was in any other language; I would probably mess up like what I did with my Talumpati in Filipino.
  
• Filipinio Period – we had nothing to do except complete our requirements. For some, it was breathtaking since they still have to recite their speeches (talumpati). For me, it was also rest time since what I only did that period was to complete a table where we have to place the title, aim and the score that we got from our formal and informal themes. And speaking about speech in tagalong, I asked my teacher if I got the lowest score, and I guess that I am a little bit of a psychic since I guessed right. It’s sad but it’s also reality that I have to face since I wasn’t prepared when I had my turn to recite my speech in front of the class. Now, I’m just hiding my feelings about being nervous of what my grade would be in my report card. I pretended to be calm but deep inside I am disappointed to myself…
  
• Advanced Algebra – All of that worries about my grade in Filipino worn off when we had activities in the period. It wasn’t even half boring. Everybody had fun!
  
• Religion – we didn’t do much. We just had our daily prayer of the Gospel of the Day then went up to a room where we watched the first parts of the movie, Freedom Writers. It was very mysterious at the beginning that makes you want to know what happened next.
  
• Dismissal – I went home early and on time. From Tuesday to Thursday, I went home late because of our play practices. Now that the play is over for section, all of us went home safe early. =)
  

Well that’s what happened today.

I just want to remind myself to write about what I feel about my first teacher as child and as a daughter.

I just want also to clarify that I don’t wear a mask when I am with my best friends and friends. I ‘m just afraid that people, who already know me, might judge me for what I think and do. Don’t get me wrong; I like people criticizing me. I just started my friendship to them being someone who is humble and average. Maybe, if ever they would figure this new web address of my blog, I would change it to: afraidtobejudged.blogspot.com. Now, I’m prepared and I don’t have to think about the next name I’ll give my address.

That’s all! Peace!

Additional

I just want to say that I will be updating my playlist if ever I have downloaded new songs. That's all. Gotta go 'cause I gotta sleep. Peace =)